The Importance of Sex Within A Marriage - 1 Corinthians 7

Concerning Married Life

“Now about the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a wife. But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but yields it to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another that.

Paul turns from warnings about sexual immorality in chapters 5 and 6 to instructions about what a healthy sexual relationship looks like within a marriage.  Paul will have other instructions below for specific categories like those who are unmarried, widows, and those engaged.  But this section deals with how believers should put as a priority the sexual intimacy in their marriage relationship.  There are several things to note in this passage which are very practical to build a great marriage.

First, note that Paul is not shy about talking about matters of sexual intimacy.  Sometimes talking about sex is so taboo in the church, we fail to help couples to see what a healthy sexual relationship looks.  Contrary to popular belief Paul is not against sex, he is for it in the right context.  Apparently, the presenting problem was those in the Corinthian church felt maybe that sex was wrong now they became a Christian. Or they should focus on more spiritual matters.  But obviously Paul thinks consistent sexual intimacy is very important for a married couple and he goes on to explain why.

Second, note that Paul’s tone and teaching is one of mutual submission.  Meaning each partner needs to offer their bodies to the other as part of a commitment within marriage.  Sex should not be used as a weapon for spouses against each other.  Sexual intimacy is a gift from God and should be enjoyed freely and mutually.  Suffice it to say that offering oneself to their spouse in physical and sexual intimacy is part of the love we show to each other within.  I think if we taught on this subject more, we would have a lot less problems in the church in our marriages.

Thirdly, there are times when a couple can abstain from sex for a period.  It is important to say that just because you are enjoying regular sexual intimacy does not mean that you cannot still pray with each other.  Just as in during the Lenten season we abstain from food or drink to focus on prayer, it could likewise be said of sexual relations.  Because like food and drink sex is on our mind a lot, this time can be devoted to focusing on the Lord.  Again, a lot of BAD teaching has come out of Paul’s practical advice here.  Any kind of abstinence from anything should not be done legalistically but with grace and a focus on not what you are giving up but on what you are getting. 

Finally, Paul brings up his own celibacy and calls it a “gift”.  We do not know exactly what that means and there had been a lot of interesting conjectures, like Paul was a eunuch or a homosexual. But we have no evidence for any of these theories to be true. Most likely Paul chose to not pursue his sexual desires and maybe had a special ability to do that.  Regardless Paul makes it clear that sex is good, it is a gift from God and an important and an intentional part of marriage.

How do you feel about the teaching Paul lays out here?  Have you heard it before?  Do you think the church should teach more about healthy sex within the context of marriage between and man and woman?  If you are married what challenges do you face in this area?  If you are single is this passage helpful or unhelpful?  If you plan on getting married will this help you out in this area of a relationship?