What Does a Christian Marriage Look LIke? Ephesians 5:21-32

Paul moves into the practical application about what he has taught so far, into the end 

of chapter 5 and into chapter 6, as he talks about how your faith in Christ affects how 

your marriage and parenting. The bible gives us direction in all areas of our lives.  If 

the bible is trustworthy to deliver us the story of salvation is it not trustworthy in all of 

its other applications? 

When you think of how many troubled or broken marriages, I think if we applied these

principles, Christian marriages would have a much better chance of success and would

 be a great example to the world. 

Instructions for Christian Households

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. At the core of all of this upcoming teaching is this first principle.  We are to submit to one another because of our relationship with Christ and who He is as the Son of God.  There is no rank in relationships.  So I should be submitting to you and you should be submitting to me. No one has any more obligation to submit than anyone else.” (Guzik)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. This verse gets a lot of attention because people fail to read the rest of the chapter.  People stop here and say, "See the bible is misogynistic, it asking women to submit to their husbands."  No, every relational directive in this chapter will be talked about in terms of mutual submission.  The verse by verse commentary offers a helpful perspective here,

"Before we look at what Paul is asking a wife to do, let’s take note of what he didn’t ask

• Paul said a wife is to be subject to her own husband, not to all men

• Paul is not calling for male dominance in every area of society

• His only concern is for the relationship between a married couple"

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. The term "head" in the bible always has to do with authority. It means that God has given the man the authority to lead in the home.  With that authority comes responsibility.  Just because someone has authority over someone doesn't mean they are unequal.  In a godly home the husband and wife will partner in making decisions and running the household.  

When you enter a home you will not even sense this distinction because things are running so smoothly.  Anyone in authority who tries to dominate over those in their charge are not using their authority wisely or effectively.  The problem is because some have misused their authority given to them by God, we have become allergic to authority.  We will see the same principles with how parents relate to their children. 

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  The submission of the wife to her husband is likened to the church's submission to Christ.  We see again authority is a good thing. We know the bible also likens the church as the bride of Christ, and Jesus as the "bridegroom".  Therefore, a marriage relationship is a holy thing and a model of the union between Christ and His church.  A godly marriage reflects it this model.  

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Paul's words here to the husbands safeguard every command he has given to the wives. There is no way a husband could take advantage or abuse his wife if he were to love his wife like Jesus loved the church.  Loving someone like Christ loved the church is the ultimate challenge, as we know Jesus died on a cross for the church.  So basically Paul is saying to husbands, "Love your wives so much so that you would be willing to die for them."  Ladies, is the kind of husband you would desire? 

26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 'When Jesus died for the sake of the church, he cleansed her.  This is an allusion to baptism as it relates to the word of our salvation.  When someone believes God's word and is baptized they are cleansed from sin and set free to live a new life. 

27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. When God looks at the church, he sees it as holy because of what Jesus did for her.  It was through Jesus' sacrifice that we glow with radiance of the perfect bride on her wedding day. 

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  This is the extreme challenge for husbands.  In one way it means to love your wife as if she you were your own.  Jesus died for the church because we were his own.  Since a husband and wife are united in a holy union there is no selfishness involved.  And Paul gives us a benefit to this kind of love.  Guzik says it this way, 

"Simply said, when you love your wife, you benefit yourself. Perhaps it is better to put it in the negative: when you neglect your wife, you neglect yourself, and it will come back to hurt you."

29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— Paul reasons that if a man hates his body and doesn't take care of it, he will be the one to pay for this kind of neglect. In the same way when a husband neglects his wife who is a part of him, he will pay for that same neglect.  As they say, "Happy wife, happy life!" But I also have heard for the men, "Happy spouse, happy house."  

30 for we are members of his body. The image of a wife and husband as one is the same relationship between the unity of Christ with His church.  We get our unity in the body of Christ, the church, from the Jesus.  We don't create unity we have it in Christ.  Of course, we can create disunity by living according to our flesh in both our marriage and in the church.  It all makes sense doesn't it?

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” When we understand the union of a man and a woman as analagous to the union between Christ and the church, we can see how this relates to a man leaving his father and mother and becoming one flesh.  As the woman was taken from the man in Creation (even if metaphorically), they are now joined together symbolic of the marriage between Christ and the church.  So the same principle that make for a good church as it relates to Christ it's head, work for a husband and wife. 

32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. If we haven't figured it out yet, Paul spells it out for us.  The teaching on how a husband and wife submit to one another is the same principle for the union between Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. But as if people might be likely to forget about the application to couples, Paul reiterate the principle.  

Paul brilliantly weaves together the truth about Christ and the church, and a husband and his wife.  One spiritual, the relationship between Christ and the church. One natural, a man and his wife. 

If you are married does this make sense to you?  Have you ever thought about it this way?  Talk with your spouse about this and talk about how you might have a more harmonious marriage, as you submit to one another out of love for Christ.  If you are not married, this is a great way for you to prepare and think about marriage and the type of person you want to marry.  Obviously when a Christian marries another Christian these principles are easier to establish.  When a Christian marries an unbeliever you can see the challenges that surface in trying to reconciling to different worldview.  This is why Paul says in Corinthians, "Don't be unequally yoked, as a believer to an unbeliever."