Romans 14 - How Do I Know If I Am Causing Someone Else to Stumble By My Behavior?

Romans 14 - NIV

Weak and the Strong

14 Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. 2 One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

In chapter 14 Paul turns to giving counsel on some practical matters and issues going on in the Roman church. When Paul uses the terms "weak" and "strong", he is referring to where they are at spiritually. Specifically he is talking about issues that were controversial due to the Jewish backgrounds of many of the believers in the church. 

Because the meat in Paul's culture was often offered up to idols, many religious Jews refused to eat it on moral and religious grounds. But Paul also taught that nothing given from this earth (ie. food and drink) is immoral in itself. More important is the reason someone partakes in it. If one can do it with thanksgiving to God and a clean conscient it is ok to do provided it did not cause a fellow believer to stumble. But there were some believers who had a very sensitive conscience, so they felt they were disobeying God when they ate meat. 

Paul basically says that neither side should judge the other. The one who eats should not judge the one who doesn't, and visa versa. We are all accountable to God in matters of eating and drinking, and we are accountable to Jesus, our Lord and Master. This is why churches who forbid drinking any kind of alcohol, or even caffeine, run the risk of legalism. Though alcohol does cause problems in one's life, it does not mean it is immoral for everyone. The same is true with caffeine, gambling, food, and work. They all can become addictions when they become lord in your life. 

5 One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. 6 Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. 8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. 9 For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

The same principle applied to observing special days like the Sabbath. For the Jews, the Sabbath was on sundown Friday, until sundown on Saturday. Many Christians celebrated the Sabbath Day on Sunday, because it was the Day of the Resurrection of Jesus. Once again there is nothing about one particular day of the week which is holier than the other, but what you do on that day. It should be a day we stop working, and a day dedicated to the Lord, and other important relationships like family and friends. 

Some churches like 7th Day Adventist made a big deal of worshipping on Saturdays. While this is not false doctrine per se, this line of thinking leads to legalism and a spirit of judgment, which is never good for the Christian community. 

Whatever we do Paul says, we are to give thanks to the Lord. We live for the Lord alone but also give consideration to weak brothers and sisters in the faith. 

10 You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister[a]? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. 11 It is written: “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’”[b] 12 So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Paul quotes from Isaiah 45 to make it clear that we are accountable to God alone. God alone knows the thoughts and attitude of our hearts. (Hebrews 4:12)  Judgmentalism can be a huge problem in the church. The people who are the most judgmental and critical of others are often lacking in their own experience of God's grace. When you are living in the pure grace Jesus gives us, it is hard to be critical and judgment of others. You are more concerned about your own relationship with Christ. 

We don't need to worry about judging others, because one day God will do it. He is the only just judge. We are often very flawed in our judgments about others. 

13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 14 I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15 If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18 because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

Then, Paul brings up the problem of being a "stumbling block" to others in the body of Christ. Though nothing is unclean in and of itself, if another brother or sister thinks it is unclean for them, we should consider abstaining from using our freedom. If this presents a problem for others what you are eating and/or drinking, the loving thing is to abstain. 

I will add a caveat to this. For many alcoholics that I have gotten to know, they don't what others to not drink because of their condition. They feel it calls too much attention to them, and they don't want to impinge on other's freedom in Christ. So this matter needs to be discerned carefully, as we do life together. 

Communication is key. For instance you might ask someone if it is offensive if you do something that you feel free to do but it might offend them. They key thing is loving each other as we would want to be loved. 

For example, we need more sensitive to be a brother or sister who is very new in their sobriety (from anything i.e. drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, workaholism). They are a lot more easily tempted when they are around other Christians indulging in these behaviors. 

You might say, "Those are all bad behaviors, why should a Christian do any of them?" This might be for true you, but for others they can do it in good conscience before the Lord. They are accountable to God alone but also to brothers and sisters in Christ who would be triggered by these behaviors. 

So you see not everything is black and white. We hold these issues in tension because we are under grace not the law. This is not to say that if someone actually broke the law like stealing or murder that it would be okay based on what the person thought about it. Some things are objectively wrong and should never be accepted in the church community. I.e. Adultery, pornography, cheating on tax forms, abusing another person. 

19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

Paul reiterates again what I have said above. We use our freedom in Christ to serve others not cause others to stumble. 

22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

This is between each person and God. The Holy Spirit will convict you if you are using your freedom to sin and not in faith. Paul says everything we do should come from "faith". What does he mean by that? Faith is trusting in God with everything we do. Walking in faith is the opposite of walking in disobedience. If we can't do something in faith trusting in God, we shouldn't do it. 

Where can exercising your freedom in Christ possibly cause a brother or sister in your church to stumble? Maybe you need to have a conversation with them about this? If you do, they will know you love and care for them and this is the most important thing we do as fellow believers.