Ephesians 5 - Paul's View of Marriage!
5 1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.
Paul continues the application part of the letter to Ephesians with the general admonition to walk in the way of love. What does this mean? Follow Jesus' example. Jesus was a living example of what it means to walk in love. Love isn't a concept, idea, or theory, is a way of life marked by loving actions and words. If we are not loving the way Jesus did, we are not walking in the way of love.
Paul doesn't just command them to avoid sinning, but also to avoid even the appearance of sinning. Why is that? Because when people you know you are Christian, they are watching how you behave. If you go to church then consistently use the "F" word, and tell lewd jokes, it doesn't reflect well on what it means to be a Christ follower. If all you do is brag about how much money you have, or your cars and toys, it doesn't now reflect well on the Christian life.
Since people's biggest gripe against Christians is that they are "hypocrites", Paul's admonition is every bit as relevant today. But, we are not perfect people either. We are going to slip from time to time. When you act like this recognize what a bad example you are, repent, and move on.
Then, Paul says that no impure or immoral person will inherit the kingdom of God. This is a challenging statement. Does this means if a Christian gets caught up in an immoral lifestyle, they won't go to heaven?
For these types of questions we need to make our interpretation on the whole teaching of scripture not just one passage. So we know ...
1. We are saved through belief in Jesus Christ. We are saved by grace through faith based on the Word of God. If you believe in Jesus by faith you will be saved and granted eternal life. Period. This is the clear message of the gospel.
2. In response to God's grace we are called to live worthy of our calling. Romans 12 tells us, "Not to conform to the world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds."
So ... what does he mean then?
Paul’s idea in this passage can be applied out of context in a condemning way. One might say, “Well, I’ve thought about committing fornication, so that means that I have fornicated in my heart and that means that I am as guilty as someone who has actually committed the act of fornication. Since I am as guilty as that one, and they have no inheritance in the kingdom of God, neither do I, because of my thoughts about fornication.” This deceptive thinking goes against the plain sense of God’s word.
You can see why legalism never works. This is the whole reason for Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, where he talked about "the Spirit versus the Letter of Law". I.e. If you "lust" after a woman, you have committed adultery in your heart. If you call someone a "fool" that is like committing murder in your heart.
I live the reasoning behind this commentator's take on the matter.
Paul assumes that Christians will not have their lives habitually marked by fornication, uncleanness or covetousness. Yet we should not even occasionally be partakers with them who are.
We all sin from time to time but making it a habitual sin, which we are not willing to repent from, is a dangerous place to be. I don't believe based on Scripture one can "lose their salvation" but you could lose some of your inheritance in the kingdom. I.e. We know that from the Parable of Talents that our faithfulness with what we have been given on earth will determine what we are given to do in heaven.
Bottom line if you are trying to get away with as much sin as possible, you are completely missing the point of what it means to live a life worthy of your calling in Christ.
8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
When we are "born-again" we become children of the light. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness will not overcome it. John 1:5. The light shines greatest in the darkness. We often sin in the darkness hoping others will not see it, but the Holy Spirit exposes the darkness in our hearts and lives.
I love where it says, "Find out what pleases the Lord." Obviously it is pleasing when we obey the 10 commandments and follow Jesus' example, but it seems here that like in any relationship, we seek to please the Lord. Or, you could living a life which is pleasing to him.
Christians must guard against a prurient interest in the works of darkness, even in times of testimony or research. - Guzik
As you think about your life right now would you say it is pleasing to the Lord? If not, what you would want to change?
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
We are not just supposed to just "coast along" in our Christian life, as if we were saying, "I am going to heaven so I might as well just sit back and enjoy life." But instead, we need to be intentional about how we live our lives. Every major opportunity in our lives is a chance to make good choices that honor and please God. Often our family, friends, or neighbors see these choices and it backs up our Christian witness.
While bible never says it is immoral to drink alcohol, it does say not to get "drunk". In an interesting twist Paul says, "Instead be filled with the Holy Spirit." This is in the continuous tense meaning Paul is urging us to keep on doing this. Although we are filled with the Holy Spirit when we come to believe in Jesus, apparently Paul is teaching that we should continually seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Since the Holy Spirit is a person of the Trinity, it would make sense that we have a relationship with the Holy Spirit like the Father and the Son. We talk to God our Father (i.e. Heavenly Father) and Jesus the Son (Jesus, Lord), so why would we not call on the Holy Spirit. The most common way the early church did this was when they cried, "Come Holy Spirit." It is not that the Holy Spirit has not come, but we urge Him to continue to come in powerful ways!
When is the last time you talked to the Holy Spirit? You might say something simple in your prayer like, "Come Holy Spirit and fill me with Your power, presence, and peace."
COME HOLY SPIRIT!!!
Instructions for Christian Households
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
I probably don't have to tell you that these verses have been hotly debated over the centuries as to the how husbands and wives are to relate to one another in holy marriage. But I think the most important verse is verse 21, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Before Paul says anything about the differences between husbands and wives and instructions to them, he gives this admonition. Although men and women are different, and we submit to each other in different ways, the bottom line is we submit to one another as we live out being a disciple of Jesus in our marriage. There is no hierarchy. There is no one with more power. But everything husbands and wives are called to do is framed by who Jesus is, and how he loved us by going to the cross for us.
So what are the specific instructions?
1. Wives submit to their husbands in everything. Note we have already said that both are to submit to one another, so this is in some ways redundant. But it does add "in everything".
Paul addressed wives and their responsibility in the Christian marriage first. This isn’t because they are the bigger problem or because they need special attention. The reason is that the apostle was particularly concerned about this question of submission. That was the principle that he introduced in Ephesians 5:21. This aspect of submission has a particular application to wives in a Christian marriage.
Importantly the the word "submission" has a very negative connotation in our society, especially in perverse situations. But let's look at the real meaning of the word. It might clear up a lot about what Paul is saying here about wives submitting to their husbands.
"To submit means that you recognize someone has legitimate authority over you. It means you recognize that there is an order of authority, and that you are part of a unit, a team. You as an individual are not more important than the working of the unit or the team." - Guzik
Submission does not mean inferiority. As well, submission does not mean silence. Submission means “sub-mission.” There is a mission for the Christian marriage, and that mission is obeying and glorifying God. The wife says, “I’m going to put myself under that mission. That mission is more important than my individual desires. I’m not putting myself below my husband, I’m putting myself below the mission God has for our marriage, for my life.” - Guzik
2. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
If anything Paul raises the bar for men as they submit to their wives. When we think about how Jesus loved the church, we realize that Jesus gave everything up for the church in his great love. This is the same type of radical love Paul calls husband to give to their wives.
So let's stop right there. If husbands and wives in Christian marriages were to use those commands as the marching orders for their marriage, do you think the Christian divorce rate would be about the same as the world. Note Christians also have the Holy Spirit. So we have even more power to keep these commands.
The Catholic church considers marriage a sacrament. While I don't believe it is a sacrament in the Protestant understanding of a Sacrament, the Catholics do highlight the holiness of marriage. The mystery of the mystical union between a man and woman, which happens when a man and woman are united in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Marriage is holy because God made it holy. Our job is to keep it holy by obeying Paul's instructions here. Makes sense?
The feminist movement has twisted this around to say Christians teach women are inferior to men and/or that women need to obey every order of their husband. They would even suggest that this has led to abusive relationships. But if you read this passage clearly and interpret it accurately, you can see this is not what Paul is saying at all.
In the end Paul reiterates, "Men love your wives. Women respect your husbands." Isn't interesting that for most wives what they want most is to feel loved, appreciated, and the apple of their husband's eye. As they say, "Hell hath no fury like a scorned women." When husbands don't love and put their wives first it leads to resentment and bitter and eventual discord in a marriage.
What do men most often want from their wives? We want to be respected and affirmed by them. This is not rocket science folks. Men and women are created differently, but when we come together we reflect the same relationship Jesus has with the church. From Paul's teaching we say, "The Church is the bride of Christ!"
Marriage is a huge institution and the fabric of our church and our world. We can see how "all hell has broken loose" when 50% of marriages fail. This represents so much hurt and pain not only to husband and wife, but to their children and families. This has also opened the door for gender confusion, the LGBTQ movement, which is now pervasive in our society.
The interesting part of all of this is that this is common sense. God always knows what is best for us. Do you think God might have an interest in giving guidelines for marriage to be the best it can be? After all a Christian household is where faith is passed on to the next generation. Fights, bickering, and even abuse in marriage scars children and often they can blame God for this happening. It is not accident that kids from homes with divorce are far more likely to get divorced.
So let's do marriage God's way!
If you are married where does this apply to you? If you are a husband are you loving your wife sacrificially, as Christ loved the church? If you are a wife, are you respecting and affirming your husband in submission to Christ?
Honestly, if couple gets this right they are very unlikely to need marital counseling.
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