What Does Jesus Say About Divorce - Matthew 19
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
You have all heard many interpretations for what the bible says about divorce. As I have said before, when I want to know the truth about anything I go back to Jesus and what he taught. As I have always said many times before, one of the most important principles in interpreting the bible is context.
In real estate they have a principle for which dictates the value of a home. It is, "Location, location, location!" The most important principle for interpreting the bible is "context, context, context".
Why is the important? In the Jewish faith in Jesus' day, a man could divorce a woman for almost anything. This is why they are trying to get Jesus to make a mistake when asking him the law's teaching on divorce. Jesus sees their motivation and clarifies the essence of what divorce is not God's will for a man and a woman.
Their low view of women meant that their high ideal of marriage was constantly compromised, and those compromises were made into law, as with the thinking of Rabbi Hillel. Under the thinking of Hillel, “a man could divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner, if she spun, or went with unbound hair, or spoke to men in the streets, if she spoke disrespectfully of his parents in his presence, or if she was a brawling woman whose voice could be heard in the next house. Rabbi Akiba even went the length of saying…that a man could divorce his wife if he found a woman whom he liked better and considered more beautiful.” (Barclay)
What did Jesus teach on divorce?
His principle, which is the truth for all time,
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Marriage is a sacrament in which it is a holy mystery which only can be explained God. Marriage is not a sacrament in the sense in which a Protestant would describe as a sacrament. Martin Luther taught a sacrament needed to be commanded by God, an earthly element tied to a promise, and the promise related to the forgiveness of sin.
This is why communion and baptism are the two sacraments in the Protestant. For Catholic it is a sacrament in the sense it is a holy mystery, which can only be explained by God.
Back to the point. Jesus says holy marriage is constituted when a man is united to his wife. The two become one flesh because of God's action. Therefore the only thing which could undo God's action is for man to break it a part.
When we teach Junior High kids about this commandment, we glue two pieces of paper showing an analogy of how a man and women are joined inextricably in marriage. Then we ask them to tear the two pieces of paper. What happens? It a mess. Both piece of paper are in ripped to shreds. This is what can oftentimes happen when two people divorce.
I know there are unusual circumstances where divorce is the only seemingly way out. Or, there is abuse or addiction involved. There is always grace. Being divorced doesn't make God look at you look any differently in God's eyes. There are challenges for sure, especially when there are kids involved, but healing and restoration can happen over time with love, care, and support.
Marriage is under assault in our country for many reasons. And make no mistake about it, the Christian divorce rate is not too much better than for the rest of population. Therapy with a Christian psychologist can be very important for healing a marriage. Forgiveness is another huge factor in giving a marriage a second change. Finally, separation can be a short term solution to a troubled marriage. It can be a time of re-calibrating one's marriage.
There are many factors which could contribute to a divorce including but not limited to:
Lack of Commitment/Growing Apart: Feeling the relationship isn't a priority or drifting apart.
Infidelity/Adultery: Affairs break trust and create irreconcilable differences.
Conflict & Arguing: Constant bickering and inability to resolve issues.
Communication Problems: Poor or negative communication patterns.
Financial Issues: Disagreements over money, debt, or differing financial values.
Substance Abuse/Addiction: Alcohol, drugs, or other addictions impacting the marriage.
Domestic Violence/Abuse: Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse
As a pastor, besides these reasons, one of the most important contributors is the couple's relationship with Christ. A startling fact is that couples who go to church together have a 30 to 50% less change of getting a divorce.
If forgiveness and conflict resolution are a key component of healing, this is the core principles of what it means to be follower of Christ, not just in your marriage but any relationship. I do a lot of pre-marital counseling and there is no better definition of true love than 1 Corinthians 13 ...
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Application for Life:
1. If you are married would the 1 Corinthians 13 definition of love characterize how you treat your spouse?
2. If your marriage is in trouble what steps can you take to move forward? How can you forgive each other!
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