How Should We Handle Conflict in the Church? Matthew 18:15-20

Dealing With Sin in the Church

15 “If your brother or sister sins (against you), go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 

There is debate about whether the words "against you" should be included in the text.  It is about 50/50 in the different translations I checked out. NIV takes it out, NSRV leaves it in. I would go with leaving it in, because it seems to make more sense in the context of the whole passage. Note the importance of "just between the two of you".  We all know how much havoc gossip causes in the church. 

Often it goes like this.  "I am going to tell you this but it is just between me and you, you can't tell anyone else okay."  Usually it isn't long before person is texting or calling their friend with this new info.  We usually don't go the person who has sinned against us because we are angry and/or don't want to risk "the relationship".  But the problem is when you tell another person about the issue, there are now two problems.  One, the original problem, and secondly there is now another person in the loop and what do they do with the info?.  No matter what happens now, the person who was told has to either keep it to themselves or do something else with it.  

The goal Matthew says "if they listen to you", you have won them over.  Problem solved.  Relationship healed. 

"We can say that Jesus gives us two options when your brother sins against you. You can go to him directly and deal with it; or you can drop the matter under Christian longsuffering and bearing with one another. Other options – holding onto bitterness, retaliation, gossiping to others about the problem – are not allowed." Guzik

16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

Now Matthew points out the next step if the person will not listen to you.  Listen to the immediacy of the next step.  Bring another mature believer into the situation who will help clarify the real issue and determine who is at fault.  Perhaps the person who was offended is too senstiive. and making more out of it than they need to.  

"Although it is a very unwise thing to interfere in quarrels, yet from this text it is clear that we should be willing to be one of the two or three who are to assist in settling a difference.” (Spurgeon)

17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

The goal in this process is reconciliation. But if the guilty party refuses to take responsibility or to move to a change in their behavior there is still a problem. The next step is to bring the wider body of Christ into the matter.  We also call this goal "restoration".  The bottom line is if the person has sinned and refuses to admit it and turn from it, they are in rebellion against God and the church.  By bringing more people into it, it takes away the "he said, she said".  

We formally call this "church discipline" today.  It is usually reserved for fairly severe issues of immorality I.e. adultery, stealing from the church etc..  But the fact that Jesus is bringing it up here lends itself to the fact that he sees this as being a normative practice for the church.

I can't even imagine how much heartache could be saved in the church if this simple model were applied in disputes between one believer with another.  

This is the second and ONLY time this word "church is used by Jesus in his teaching. The other time is Matthew 16:18 when Jesus says to Peter upon his confession of Jesus as Messiah, "On this church "ekklesia" I will build my church."  

18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

Here Jesus gives authority to the church to act in this matter.  

"So far as the Ecclesia was true to its Lord, and guided by His Spirit, it was not to think that its decisions depended on any temporal power. They were clothed, as truth and righteousness are ever clothed, with a divine authority."  (Ellicott)

"See the notes at Matthew 16:19. These words were spoken to the apostles. Jesus had before addressed the same words to Peter, Matthew 16:19. He employs them here to signify that they all had the same power; that in ordering the affairs of the church he did not intend to give Peter any supremacy or any exclusive right to regulate it."(Barnes)

19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 

Jesus pushes the teaching even more.  Though the above verses applied directly to the apostles, and then the congregation assembled (ekklesia/church), not he applies it to two believers acting in concert. 

"It shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven; with whom nothing is impossible; and who, as he regards the effectual fervent prayer of any righteous man, so more, of two agreed together in anyone thing; and still more, of a church and community of saints in their united requests: a great encouragement this to social prayer, though ever so few are engaged in it." (Gill)

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Jesus is just as much present in the little congregation as in the great mass meeting…He is not the slave of numbers.” (Barclay)

A meeting of two or three is easy to gather. Someone is always close at hand, and it isn’t hard to find a place to meet. (Guzik)

“Two or three are mentioned, not to encourage absence, but to cheer the faithful few who do not forget the assembling of themselves together, as the manner of some is.” (Spurgeon)

Though praying alone, studying alone, worshipping alone is good, there is something special about doing it with another believer.  Christianity was never meant to be lived out alone.  We need each other.  "As iron sharpens iron so one believer sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

How is discipline or resolution of disputes usually handdled?  Do we in the church use Jesus' instructions?  Why do you think Christians can often be reluctant to confront matters directly with the person who has sinned against them?  When someone has confronted you in a sin you have committed, how did it effect the relationship?  Has God used other believers in your life to help mold and shape you, even when they confronted you on something you didn't want to hear?  

The next time someone "sins against you", go to them in private.  Speak the truth in love and thoughtfully and humbly submit your truth to them.  Usually it will go well.  If not, bring another trusted believer or two to work it out.  More times then not this process will work.