To Forgive or Not Forgive?

Reflection:  As a pastor one of the themes I hear quite often, is the theme of “forgiveness”.  There are many cases where a person wonders should I forgive someone if they have not offered up any kind of apology, or demonstrated any kind of true repentance. Of course, this is a complex question and there is no silver bullet answer.  There is a sense for the person who has offended that repentance is needed for them to be restored to God, and to the person they have offended.  But what about the person who has been offended and their offender might not every come to a place of admitting what they have done wrong to them?  How do they handle that? 

In today’s passage Paul is dealing with the issue of forgiveness in the Church of Corinth.  There was a case of sexual immorality in the church, and Paul had stern instructions in his first letter (chapter 5) of how to deal with the offender with the hope of restoration.  He was to be confronted in love, and if he didn’t repent, he was to be cast out of the fellowship for the purpose that he would come to his senses and turn from his sin.  In today’s passage though, Paul encourages them to forgive him and comfort him so that he would not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.  Most commentators agree that the man was repentant as evidence by the sorrow he was experiencing.  When Paul initially rebuked the church it was because they were too lenient on the man, and now it appears they were in danger of swinging to the other side of the pole and being too harsh. 

We see here the very important tension between discipline and rebuke of openly sinful behavior, and the grace of God that we all need every day regardless of the severity of our sin.  Legalism in a church can cause excessive sorrow as people are always wondering, “What did I do now?” Or, “Have I ever done enough?”  However if there is never any discipline in the body of Christ, it can promote an attitude of, “I’m forgiven and under grace so what does it matter anyways?”  

Notice too Paul adds the kicker, “In order that Satan might not outwit us, for we are not unaware of his schemes.”  The idea here in the Greek word is one of cheating someone out of what they are due.  Satan is certainly at work trying to distort God’s gift of grace and either trying to turn it back into works, or cheapen it by a life lived in the flesh.  Without overemphasizing his power, it reminds us to live a life in reliance on the all-sufficient grace of God in Christ Jesus, and also being part of a fellowship or group where we have accountability for our lives.  

I guess what I love most of all is Paul’s pastoral heart.  Even though he is not with the Corinthians in person, we see his deep level of care and compassion, even for this wayward brother.  Verse 4 captures this when it says, “⁴ For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.”  The depth of Paul’s love was expressed in his desire to see this brother restored to Christ and the church.  In our individualistic and busy culture this is a great challenge for us today to have these kinds of relationships with each other.  We all need people who love us enough to speak the truth into our lives with the right combination of grace and truth!  Do you have someone like this in your life?  If not, consider praying and seeking out someone like this!

Here is the passage: 

Forgiveness for the Offender

⁵ If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. ⁶ The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. ⁷ Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. ⁸ I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. ⁹ Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. ¹⁰ Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, ¹¹ in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

Psalm 68:28-35

²⁸ Summon your power, God;
    show us your strength, our God, as you have done before.
²⁹ Because of your temple at Jerusalem
    kings will bring you gifts.
³⁰ Rebuke the beast among the reeds,
    the herd of bulls among the calves of the nations.
Humbled, may the beast bring bars of silver.
    Scatter the nations who delight in war.
³¹ Envoys will come from Egypt;
    Cush will submit herself to God.

³² Sing to God, you kingdoms of the earth,
    sing praise to the Lord,
³³ to him who rides across the highest heavens, the ancient heavens,
    who thunders with mighty voice.
³⁴ Proclaim the power of God,
    whose majesty is over Israel,
    whose power is in the heavens.
³⁵ You, God, are awesome in your sanctuary;
    the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.

Praise be to God!

Proverbs 18

18 An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends
    and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.

² Fools find no pleasure in understanding
    but delight in airing their own opinions.

³ When wickedness comes, so does contempt,
    and with shame comes reproach.

⁴ The words of the mouth are deep waters,
    but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream.

⁵ It is not good to be partial to the wicked
    and so deprive the innocent of justice.

⁶ The lips of fools bring them strife,
    and their mouths invite a beating.

⁷ The mouths of fools are their undoing,
    and their lips are a snare to their very lives.

⁸ The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
    they go down to the inmost parts.

⁹ One who is slack in his work
    is brother to one who destroys.

¹⁰ The name of the Lord is a fortified tower;
    the righteous run to it and are safe.

¹¹ The wealth of the rich is their fortified city;
    they imagine it a wall too high to scale.

¹² Before a downfall the heart is haughty,
    but humility comes before honor.

¹³ To answer before listening—
    that is folly and shame.

¹⁴ The human spirit can endure in sickness,
    but a crushed spirit who can bear?

¹⁵ The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge,
    for the ears of the wise seek it out.

¹⁶ A gift opens the way
    and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.

¹⁷ In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right,
    until someone comes forward and cross-examines.

¹⁸ Casting the lot settles disputes
    and keeps strong opponents apart.

¹⁹ A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city;
    disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

²⁰ From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled;
    with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.

²¹ The tongue has the power of life and death,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit.

²² He who finds a wife finds what is good
    and receives favor from the Lord.

²³ The poor plead for mercy,
    but the rich answer harshly.

²⁴ One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

2 Corinthians 1:23-2:13
²³ I call God as my witness—and I stake my life on it—that it was in order to spare you that I did not return to Corinth. ²⁴ Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm. 2 ¹ So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you. ² For if I grieve you, who is left to make me glad but you whom I have grieved? ³ I wrote as I did, so that when I came I would not be distressed by those who should have made me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you, that you would all share my joy. ⁴ For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.

Forgiveness for the Offender

⁵ If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. ⁶ The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. ⁷ Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. ⁸ I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. ⁹ Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. ¹⁰ Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, ¹¹ in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

Ministers of the New Covenant

¹² Now when I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that the Lord had opened a door for me, ¹³ I still had no peace of mind, because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said goodbye to them and went on to Macedonia.

The Lord filled Zion with justice and righteousness; he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. Isaiah 33:5-6

From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16

Almighty God, we live in a time of great instability. We do not understand why people around the world must struggle with poverty, illness, famine, violence, and hatred. Trusting in your abundant and gracious wisdom, show us what we can do to right the world’s wrongs. Amen.