Paul's Teaching on Singleness, Marriage, and Sex

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Instruction on Marriage 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

7 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. 8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

If anyone thinks the bible is not practical, they haven't read this chapter. The Corinthians had written Paul a letter asking about questions on marriage and sex. Since sexual immorality was so rampant in Corinth, it makes sense they would. Chapter 7 begins a section in the letter where Paul addresses various other questions as well. 

One might ask, "Why would Paul suggest it is good for to abstain from sexual relations?" Paul is agreeing the Corinthians that one should abstain from sexual relations, BUT if one is married, they should mutually meet each other's sexual needs.  The idea was that if a couple were meeting each other's needs in this way, they would be less prone to sexual immorality. 

Some have wrongly used this verse to say men have the right to demand sex from their wives whenever they want. But one can see this is far from what Paul is teaching here. In fact, Paul may be correcting this misconception in the Corinthian culture.  

Another area of debate revolves around Paul's comment, "But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. ... So I say to those who aren't married and to widows it's better to stay unmarried as I am. But if they can't control themselves they should go ahead and marry." 

One definitely gets the sense that Paul is advocating singleness over marriage. We must remember for Paul the return of Christ was imminent. His premise was that a single person had more freedom to give themselves wholly to the work of the gospel. The only reason someone should marry in Paul's mind was if they were burning with lust and at risk to be sexually immoral. 

I was single until I was 37. My first seven years as a pastor was as a single man.  I can see where there was more freedom to give myself to the church, but also sometimes the church thinks that a single person can be at the church 24/7.  Since I got married, I have now been in full time ministry for 20 years, and my wife and I have two children ages 15 and 19.  

While I see the benefits of being single in regard to ministry, I also think it is tremendously valuable as a married pastor to be able to relate to people who are married and/or have children. For instance it is harder to teach on marriage or being a parent when you have never experienced it. 

The bottom line is there are good reasons to be single and good reasons to be married. God leads and guides us to either get married or get single.  Paul's teaching on mutually meeting each other's needs in marriage is right on the mark. A healthy marriage is based on each person loving each other as Christ loved the church, laying his life down for it. 

Sexual immorality is still a major issue today in our culture. Christians who engage in sexually immorality, have sex before marriage, or outside of marriage, set themselves up for a lot of heartache and collateral damage to other people around them. But the church also needs to be a place of grace and healing for people experiencing sexual brokenness.  Sexual sin is not worse than any other sins it just has more consequences.