Listen Up!

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"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." James 1:19-20

I wonder how different our world would be if we all just lived by this simple mandate James gives us today to, "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry". Too often we are slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. 

I feel like one of the greatest services you can give another person is to listen to them. I mean REALLY LISTEN to them. Not having one eye on them and one eye on your cell phone. Not stopping in the middle of your conversation to text someone because it is more urgent than the conversation you are having with the person in front of you. 

I was in a conversation recently where the person asked me how my family was doing. I started to share what my kids were up to and the person interrupted me and went on to tell me for the next several minutes about her own kids. We never even got to my second child. Truly listening to someone by asking clarifying and follow up questions, is truly a lost art in our society. 

I would like to believe Jesus was a good listener. Most of his encounters with people seemed to be him taking the time to understand their point of view before judging them.  The story I am reminded of is when all the religious leaders were lining up to stone the woman caught in adultery. As they were carrying on Jesus was writing someone on the ground. When the time was right he finally spoke. It was just the right thing to say at just the right time. He said, "He who is without sin, be the first to cast the first stone!"  

What we call this is "empathetic listening". It means truly entering someone's state of mind and heart before we give advice or criticize or judge. And when we truly listen to each other the result is we are slower to speak and slower to get angry. Why? Because we have tried to understand another's point of view rather than our trumpeting our own. Most of the public debate we see today is people talking over each other. The one who is the loudest or meanest is deemed the winner. 

Stephen Covey wrote to be a highly effective person we should, "Seek first to understand and than be understood!" 

Are you a good listener? The next time you are in conversation with someone take the time to understand and empathize with who they are and what they are going through? As the old saying goes, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!"