Matthew 18 - How We Should Deal with Conflict in the Church!

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The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven

We have said before that one of the main themes of Matthew's gospel is the availability of the kingdom of God. Unlike the kingdom of the world, the kingdom of God is an "upside down" kingdom. The last shall be first. Those who lose their life will find it. The greatest will be a servant. And in this first passage we learn that the kingdom belongs to little children. Not only are children invited into the kingdom, those who welcome children will also be called the greatest. 

What is it about children that makes them prime candidates for the kingdom. Most importantly they trust. They have faith and believe until they are given a reason not to believe. So Jesus is saying the kingdom is available to all who would be humble enough to receive the kingdom like a little child. 

 “Children do not try to be humble, but they are so; and the same is the case with really gracious persons. The imitation of humility is sickening; the reality is attractive.” (Spurgeon)

Causing to Stumble

Because Jesus loves the faith of children so much, he issues a severe warning to those who cause them to stumble. It is interesting to me that it almost seems like Jesus is harder on those who cause others to sin, than the person who sins himself. Of course sin is sin, but causing someone else to sin is a grievous sin with much consequence according to Jesus. 

So if this is so important to Jesus, how can we put it into practice. Jesus tells us to be willing to get rid of anything in our lives that might cause someone else to stumble. Meaning if there is something in your life that is tempting someone else to sin, especially a younger or newer believer, we need to be willing to get rid of it. This is likely to become a sacrifice to us. 

Some people have taken Jesus literally when he says, "If your eye causes you to sin gouge it out." Obviously Jesus is not advocating self-mutilation, but he is saying you might have to go to extreme lengths to make sure you do not lead others into sin. On the contrary, we are to encourage each other to holy living. We need to pray for each other's weaknesses and keep each other accountable. Men should keep men accountable and women should be accountable to other godly women. 

The Parable of the Wandering Sheep

This is one of my favorite parables. It illustrates God's love for lost people. Lost people matter to God, and they should matter to us. Lost people matter so much to God that he is willing to leave the ninety nine who are found to reach out to the one who is lost. This is a great reminder to us in the church. Though we need to feed and equip current members in the church, we need to always have the heart of the Father for lost people. These are people who don't church on Sundays, so we need to go out and find them. We can't expect lost people to just show up at church, we need to search for them and find them and connect with them. 

Do you have any unchurched or unbelieving friends? Do you ever invite them to church, or intentinally go to things that they love so that you might earn the right to invite them to something you love? 

Dealing With Sin in the Church

Because we are still sinners conflict will inevitably happen in the church. Relationships will be broken. Feelings will be hurt and people will be offended for good reasons and/or for imagined reasons. But Jesus gives a very clear way to keep conflict from creating major division in the church. These principles are very straightforward ,and when they are heeded churches can keep conflict from causing havoc in their pews. 

When people come to church the last thing they want to deal with is drama and discord. It should be a place where we can come in peace, worship God, and build lifelong relationships. But when relationships are ruptured, Jesus gives us a clear formula for dealing with it. 

First, if you have been sinned against, you are the one who should go to the person who has offended you one on one. This is the first thing you do. Not talk about this person to another person telling them what they have done to you. Not spreading rumors or gossip about how bad of a person they are. Go directiy to the person and tell them simply how they have hurt you. Give them a chance to answer for themselves and acknowledge what they have done to you. Ideally if and when they apologize and ask forgiveness the relationship will be healed and both parties can move on. 

However, as often happens, a person may deny or not listen to the person how has confronted them. If this is the case, they are to take one or two persons into the situation so they can objectively help sort things out and present the case again to the offender. if at this point this person still refuses to listen, they should be brought before the church. If they still do not turn from their sin, they should be removed from the church. 

This may seem harsh, but in reality it is the most loving thing to do. Why? Because if the person does not repent, they are very likely to repeat the behavior injuring others along the way. We don't do anybody favors by allowing them to behave badly. It is similar to not confronting a loved one whose life has been consumed by an addiction. If we do nothing we only enable their behavior to their own peril. In another verse the apostle Paul calls it, "Speaking in truth in love."  This is a great model to use when confronting a brother or sister in Christ. When you confront someone in love, it is the person's responsiblity to receive it in love and make the necessary changes to restore the relationship. 

Importantly don't confuse asking a person to be removed from the church with unforgiveness. We are called to forgive the sins of others, as we have been forgiven. Jesus tells us we should forgive 70 times 70 times if necessary. But forgiving someone does not allow them to behave badly over and over again and breaking boundaries set by the community. It is the same thing with abuse. Forgiving someone is not saying they are free to return to abusive behavior. Separating yourself from an abuser is obviously something you need to do and something God would want you to do.  

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

In light of what I just said, it is interesting Jesus tells them this parable next. Again the principle is that if we have been forgiven so great a debt, how can we go and be so petty and unforgiving of a minor sin against us. When you have truly experienced the grace of God in Christ Jesus, it is really hard to be unmerciful to others. Causing little ones to stumble and being unmerciful when you have received mercy are two things that will really get you in hot water with God. And you can see why. 

Are there people in your life you need to forgive? How can reflecting on how God has forgiven you so great a debt help you to let go of the debts people owe you? Is there another Christian you have unreseolved conflict with? Are you going to them directly or talking to other people about it? It is always better for everyone involved if A goes to B when A has a problem with B. When A goes to C, now a triangle has occured. C's relationship with B is hindered because of what A has said to C. Unhealthy emotional triangles are deadly in churches and the evil one loves it when it causes all kinds collateral relationship damage.