Ephesians 5 - What Is the Best Way to Make Your Marriage Work!
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
In chapter 5, Paul moves on to the practical ways we live our our Christian life. The whole chapter is framed by the opening two verses,
"Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
To be a Christian is to walk in the love God has shown us, and imitate the life of Jesus. In some ways we might simplify it by saying, "We should live and love like Jesus did."
This reminds me of the WWJD bracelets that came out of a youth group in Holland, Michigan in 1988 and 1989, and then exploded on to the scene in the 90's. Tons of Christians wore the colorful bracelets, including me. I had a cool purple one. WWJD stood for "What would Jesus do?"
It was based on the 1896 novel by Charles Sheldon book called, "In His Steps". I think it really captures what Paul heart for his people as their pastor. The apostle John says something similar in 1 John 2:6,
"Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did!"
So what does this have to do with marriage? Short answer, it has everything to do with it.
Paul gives different roles for men and women in the context of marriage, which are often the subject to much debate and quite frankly some really bad interpretations. Paul starts the passage with the overarching principle, "Submit to one another out of love for Christ". We call this mutual submission.
Some people distort what Paul means when he says, "wives submit to your husbands". The take it to mean a wife needs to do everything her husband tells her do, regardless of what it is. So much abuse has stemmed from a gross misunderstanding of what Paul is saying. A similar terrible interpretation of the bible led to people using the bible to justify slavery.
If anything Paul's command to the men is even more challenging. He tells them to love their wives, as Christ loved the church, giving themselves up for her. Though Jesus had authority, he used it to lay down his life for his friends. Though Paul says the husband is the head of the wife, or has authority over her, he must used it as Jesus did. Jesus never lorded anything over the church but became it's servant even to death on a cross.
Here is an excellent summary from other commentators:
The phrase "wives, submit to your own husbands" (from Ephesians 5:22 in the Bible) means a wife honors and supports her husband's loving leadership as a way of serving God, within a partnership built on mutual respect. (Focus on the Family)
The text teaches that men and women have equal spiritual worth and value, but outlines distinct, cooperative roles within a Christian marriage. (GotQuestions.org)
What Submission Does Not Mean
Not inferiority: It does not mean women are lesser than men or that a wife is a servant without a voice.
Not tyranny or abuse: It does not mean a husband has absolute or harmful control, nor does it excuse abuse, manipulation, or coercion.
Not absolute obedience in sin: A wife is never required to obey a command that forces her to disobey God or puts her family in danger. (JD Greear Ministry)
Paul also clearly states God's plan for a what a marriage looks like, which is much needed today. A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. They will become one flesh. While we can't explain how a man and women become one, it shows us the holiness of marriage. God is the one who joins the couple to become, and as we say in weddings, "What God has joined together let man not separate".
So what is the best way to make your marriage work?
As you live and interact with your spouse each day, before you do or say anything ask, "What would Jesus do?" I know this sounds simplistic but it is true. And remember we love each other out of reverance for Christ. There are many times you will not feel like loving your spouse. There will be times you are angry at your spouse and want to get back at them. But we all know that never works.
We all know we need to "suck it up sometimes" and be the better man or woman. We need to either apologize or let it go if we are wronged. One of the big things I experience is "I don't always need to be right!" Having to be right causes many problems even if you are right. This is in reality just pride.
This doesn't mean we should let our spouse do anything to us. If you are in an abusive situation, you need to do everything you can do protect yourself and/or your kids. That is not what I am talking about here. We all need healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from those who would harm us in marriage or any other area of life.
I know there are those reading this who are either currently separated or divorced. As a pastor for many years, I know how painful it is for all involved. While this is God's ideal for marriage many fall short. Often if one marries an unbeliever there is not the same way of looking at love.
When two broken sinners live with each other every day there are bound to be some issues. Here is where we need to forgive even when we are right. At the height of Jesus' love for us is his death on the cross. In love, we must forgive each other as Christ has forgiveness.
Finally, there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You may not be able to get your spouse to reconcile with you based on mutual forgiveness, but you can forgive them and keep your heart clean. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness, anger, and give the devil a foothold on your heart. Let's remember what Paul taught last chapter,
"In your anger do not sin and do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27
In what areas of your life do you need to remember the words, "What Would Jesus Do?"
If you are married, are you loving your spouse like Jesus loved the church?
If you are not married and looking to get married, how will this teaching help you look for the right man or woman to get married. Lust can last a very short time, but love modeled after Jesus' love will last a lifetime!
Jesus, thank you that you showed us what real love looks like. I pray for all of our marriages. We know the divorce rate is as high for believers as unbelievers. We need your help and we need the Holy Spirit's power to submit to one another in love!" Amen.
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