Matthew 18 - How Many Times Should I Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt Me?

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What Happening in Matthew 18 

Jesus teaches on the value of children and why their faith is to be modeled. He defines true greatness, which is quite different than our world's definition of greatness. He gives a clear admonition about being a stumbling block to one of these "little ones". We will look at what he means by "little ones". The parable of the lost sheep shows how great the Father's love is for every one of his children no matter how far they have wandered away. Finally, Jesus gives an invaluable model for dealing with conflict and forgiveness in the church. This is a model that is still very relevant for the church today! 

The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven

Jesus has taught about what the kingdom of heaven looks like, and then he showed the disciples what it looked through his signs and wonders. But, the disciples were still thinking of an earthly kingdom not a heavenly one. As Jesus had already told them twice that he would die and be raised again, they wondered who would be greatest in the kingdom when Jesus inaugurated it upon his return. 

Instead giving them an answer, he gives them an example. Children are the ones who will enter his kingdom and are the ones who are truly great in his eyes. The key to greatness in the kingdom is being humble like a child. And, whoever welcome one of these children is welcoming him. 

Why is Jesus so keen on children?

Children trust until they are given a reason not too. Children take risks and don't over-analyze things. Children are loyal to those they love. 

The fact that the child came when Jesus called says something about Jesus. He was the sort of man that children would come to willingly. (Guzik)

“A child was a person of no importance in Jewish society, subject to the authority of his elders, not taken seriously except as a responsibility, one to be looked after, not one to be looked up to.” (France)

“Children do not try to be humble, but they are so; and the same is the case with really gracious persons. The imitation of humility is sickening; the reality is attractive.” (Spurgeon)

How is your faith like that of a child? Where do you need to humble yourself like a child? 

Causing to Stumble

Jesus holds these little ones is such high esteem that he issues a stern warning to anyone who would cause them to stumble. It would be better for them to have a heavy millstone hung around their neck and sink to the bottom of the sea. That does not sound like any fun. Jesus is very serious about those who would cause anyone to stumble. 

It is a wicked thing to sin, and it is a far greater evil to lead others into sin. But leading one of Jesus’ little ones into sin is far worse, because you then initiate someone into an instance or a pattern of sin that corrupts whatever innocence they had. (Guzik)

It is a wicked thing to sin, and it is a far greater evil to lead others into sin. But leading one of Jesus’ little ones into sin is far worse, because you then initiate someone into an instance or a pattern of sin that corrupts whatever innocence they had.

Who presents the biggest risk in your life to cause you to stumble? How can you avoid them? 

Then Jesus moves from others causing us to stumble to the ways we cause ourselves to stumble. He uses a common teaching method in Judaism called "hyperbole". This is when you make an extreme statement to illustrate a truth. The most important thing is not the statement but truth it illustrates. 

In this case he uses two examples of removing something that causes us to sin. If our hand causes us to sin, cut it off. If our eye causes us to sin, gouge it out. This is where taking a strictly literalistic interpretation of the bible is problematic. After all, our hand and eyes will cause us to sin because we are sinners. Our hands will touch things they shouldn't, and our eyes will look at things they shouldn't. But Jesus is not teaching "self-mutilation". 

So, what is he teaching?

I believe he is teaching us that we need to be relentless to remove anything in our life that is causing us to sin. Though this thing may be important to us, if it prevents from obeying God, we need to do away with it. For example, if one's drinking causes them to sin, they should not drink. If there is a person of the opposite sex that tempts you toward adultery, you should not spends a lot of time with them. These are just two examples that come to mind, but each person is different. It is between you and God. God knows your potential stumbling blocks, and when you get rid of them, it shows Him how important He is to you. 

If I cut off my right hand, I can still sin with my left. If my left eye is gouged out, my right eye can still sin – and if all such members are gone, I can still sin in my heart and mind. God calls us to a far more radical transformation than any sort of bodily mutilation can address. (Guzik)

The Parable of the Wandering Sheep

Jesus returns again to how valuable little children are. Some think this may refer to "spiritual infants", or people who are new Christians. Some people call them "baby Christians". I suppose you could definitely apply this teaching to any age Christian, but it seems as though Jesus is primarily referring to children who are young in their physical age. 

Bottom line is that this story shows the infinite value of every person. People matter to God, so they should matter to us. The value of every sheep would cause the shepherd to leave the 99 to find the 1 who was lost. This reflects the deep heart of God that all people are saved. It is reflected in the famous verse John 3:16, "For God so loved the WORLD that he gave us His only Son that whoever would believe in Him would not perish but have eternal life."

Another verse says, "God is not willing that any should perish but that all people would come to a knowledge of the truth!" 1 Peter 3:9

Do you see all people as equal deserving of your love and attention? Who in your life has strayed from God? Would you be willing to leave what you are doing to go and find them? 

Dealing With Sin in the Church

Jesus knew there would be conflict in the church. Why? Because the church is made up of sinful people like me and you. Unity is essential in any church, but the devil loves to cause division and dissension in the church. A church divided is rendered ineffective in our mission. In order to maintain unity we need to address conflict and not just swipe it under the rug.

Some people think it is being a "nice Christian", if we don't confront relational sin. Relational sin meaning when one brother or sister sins against another. Ideally, they could work it out together if they have an honest conversation, and one person admits they are at fault. This is by far the healthiest way to deal with conflict. It takes a humble person to admit when they are wrong and ask for forgiveness. It takes a courageous person to confront another person when they are wronged. Both are equally important. 

So what happens when a conflict cannot be solved between two people, or one of the persons is not willing to deal with the situation. Jesus teaches that if you go to a person who has sinned against you and they are unwilling to admit they are wrong, you need to take two or three others with you. These are usually members who are mature and have demonstrated integrity in the community. Often this can be the elders or a pastor of the church. 

If the meeting with the two or three does not work, the offending person is to be brought before the church body as a whole. If they still refuse to repent, they are to be excommunicated from the church. This may seem harsh but notice there are three places where the person has a choice to admit they are wrong and restore the relationship with the one they have wronged. If they are unwilling to admit their sin at this point obviously their heart has been hardened. This is not a good place to be. 

An unwillingness to repent before God and His church is a dangerous thing in the church. In the end Jesus gives the church the authority to carry out this discipline. The hope is always restoration but once a person is asked to leave a church, it is up them to show they are truly repentant of their behavior. In reality this is the most loving thing the church can do, because this person's relationship with God is broken. 

I have personally been apart of this process maybe a half dozen times. In some cases the person did repent, but unfortunately in other times the person did not. I continue to pray for those individuals. 

Is there anyone in your life you have sinned against? Go to them and say your sorry as soon as possible! Is there anyone who has sinned against you? Go and point out what has happened in love. If they repent you have won over your brother or sister. 

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

Causing someone to stumble is high up there on Jesus' list of things not to do, and being unforgiving is right up there with it. Why? If we truly understand the nature, range, and scope of Jesus' forgiveness for us, we could not withhold it from someone else. 

When Peter asked Jesus if he should forgive someone 7 times, I think he was thinking this was quite a generous amount of times. 

 Peter, in light of what Jesus said about agreement and unity, hoped to sound extremely loving by suggesting forgiving a repentant brother up to seven times when three times was the accepted limit taught by many Jewish rabbis of that time. (Guzik)

“The Rabbis discussed this question, and recommended not more than three times…Peter’s seven times is therefore generous, but Jesus’ reply does away with all limits and calculations.” (France)

Jesus answers him, "Seventy times seven" or some variation of this. Again I don't think Jesus is being literal here. Seven was the number of completeness in Jewish culture. Ten was also a number of completeness. Therefore 70 is even more complete. Then, seventy times seven, I think you get the point. 

But for Jesus the real answer is there is no limit to the amount of times we should forgive someone. Why? What if Jesus set a limit on us for any particular sin we struggle with? The reality is Jesus died once and for ALL for all of our sins past, present, and future. If there was a sin Jesus did not die for, we are all in trouble. 

However, I don't believe this is saying we should let someone walk all over us. Forgiveness is different giving someone the right to disrespect the personal boundaries you have. Just because you forgive someone in your heart, does not mean you have to allow them to abuse or hurt you. This has happened to some in the Christian church using this verse and has caused much harm and trauma to many.  

Unlimited is surely the idea behind up to seventy times seven; it would be strange if Jesus expected us to count offenses against us up to 490, and at the 491st offense, to deny forgiveness. (Guzik)

Then, Jesus tells a story to illustrate his point. A king went to a collect a debt from one of his servants, which was equal to ten thousand talents, approximately twenty years of wages. I.e. This was a huge sum of money. The king gave the penalty that this servant and his family be sold into slavery to pay his debt. The man begged the king. The king had mercy on him, and forgave him of his massive debt. 

You think the man would be grateful right? Nope! He went to one of his fellow servants, who only owed him 100 denarii. Since a denarius was equal to one day's wage, it was basically about 3 months of wages. You can see this is not even slightly close to the debt the king forgave him. The man similarly begged for mercy, but the ungrateful servant would have nothing of it. He threw his fellow servant into prison until he could pay his debt. 

“The debt was very, very small, but the claim was urged with intense ferocity. Our little claims against our fellow men are too apt to be pressed upon them with unsparing severity.” (Spurgeon)

Word got back to the king and how do you think he felt? He was understandably enraged and had the man punished severely.

So what is the point? 

Simply put, we need to be merciful with others, as God has been merciful with us. When someone has sinned against you and you don't want to forgive them, compare it to the massive amount of forgiveness God has given you. Can you still in good conscience not forgive your brother or sister? 

So may ask, "Well, what if they are not sorry or don't ask forgiveness?" That is between God and that person. We are simply told to freely forgive, as we have been forgiven. 

Here is how one commentator puts it quite aptly, 

This thinking – even if it means well – is incorrect and ultimately dangerous. This parable shows us why it is incorrect for us to think, “God doesn’t forgive me without my repentance; therefore I must withhold forgiveness from others who sin against me until they properly repent.” That thinking is wrong, because I do not stand in the same place as God in the equation, and I never can. God stands as One who has never been forgiven and never needed forgiveness; I stand as one who has been forgiven and needs continual forgiveness. (Guzik)

Who do you need to forgive in your life regardless if they are willing to repent or not? Remember this does not mean continuing to allow them to treat you poorly or hurt you. If you are having trouble forgiving them take a moment to ponder the massive amount of forgiveness God has given you!  

What is Coming Next in Matthew 19?

Jesus will continue to teach on practical topics like divorce, wealth, and once again how he values children! 

See you tomorrow!